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Screw You and Your Laughter, I’m Miserable

Dear Loud Obnoxious Pub Patrons, It’s been a hell of day. I awoke to the remnants of what looked like toddler fight club as a blood soaked pajama shirt was strewn on the floor in front of a blood spattered sink and mirror; the casualties of last night’s 4 year old midnight nosebleed. I feel as though I just suckered into another 2 months of free work on a pro-bono project that should’ve ended months ago. Now, I’m sitting in a pub eating supper by myself after leaving home more than 12 hours earlier, waiting to meet a friend. And you’re over there full of shits and giggles, pounding fists on the shuffle board table, downing jager bombs, not giving a damn about those around you. How dare you have a great time while I’m miserable. But why is it that my misery needs to bring you down? Why is that my needs are the center of the universe? Can…rather shouldn’t your laughter and boisterous antics lift me out of the shit instead of my whining and complaining drag you down? Why do I insist on remaining in this dark and defeated place instead of allowing your joy to soothe my soul? Carry on. I am probably not the only who needs what you are prescribing. – Dave
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The Gift of Giving vs. Obnoxious A-Hole’s

Dear Giving Partiers, You really are good at sharing. The fact that you would allow the entire block to hear your music is pretty generous. A giving spirit is an amazing quality to have; but can I make a simply suggestion? You may want to confirm that your gift will be well received. Otherwise it's a bit like giving milk to someone who's lactose intolerant.  -Dave
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Music, Pellet Guns, and Shirtless Volleyball at Dawn

Dear Rowdy Neighbor, I'd be lying if I told you that I miss seeing you around. That's probably because when I do see or hear you it's in the middle of the night while you're throwing a party & shooting your automatic pellet gun at god knows what in your backyard. Does it make me a bad person that I'd rather not see you? I will admit though, the 5am shirtless volleyball game was classic.
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Wednesday Night Sausage Fest

Dear Rowdy Sausage Festers, There's nothing like watching a trainwreck of 6 drunk dudes acting belligerent, punching each other in the head. . . on a Wuesday. Normally I'd be making fun of you for all the obvious reasons; but not today. Ever since I started my new shift at work, things have just seemed a bit off. I get my weekend in the middle week and it never feels quite like a weekend. Last night sitting beside you fine, upstanding gentlemen made it feel like a real weekend. And for that I'm thankful.   -Dave